The last few days have been… let’s just say interesting. This season is genuinely beautiful. There is so much to feel grateful for, so much to be happy about. And yet, I’ve felt this quiet fear creeping in.
There’s a part of me that knows the enemy has always come for this version of me. The joyful, full-of-life, genuinely happy Jaeden. When I’m at peace, that’s when the attacks feel the loudest. Trauma has a way of whispering, “I took your happiness before, I can do it again.” That’s the messed up part, it lingers, even in good seasons.
I rebuke that completely, and I know the God I serve. I’m not confused about where my protection comes from. But I’m also going to be honest with you. Healing doesn’t mean fear never shows up. Sometimes it does. And yeah… that part can be scary.
But I’m still here. Still choosing faith. Still choosing joy anyway.
This is my story, and I’m the author of it. So I’m choosing to write nothing but good things into it. For the longest time, I felt I was only placed here to be used and put in the hands of people who want to take. Okay talk about victim mentality. Barf. Lol Don't worry we healed and grew... Far past that mindset now.
Here's the truth: Shitty things happen - Shitty things happen to good people every single day. That’s just life. The real question isn’t “why” and it’s definitely not “why God.” Instead, I’m learning to ask, “Alright God, show me how.” Show me how You’re going to move. Show me how You’ll take this hurt and turn it into something beautiful. Show me how good it gets from here.
Fear comes from the enemy because he knows what’s ahead. He sees what God has already written into your story, so he tries to strike early, to distract you, derail you, and pull you off course toward his way instead of God’s.
He doesn’t attack without reason. Like a robber who studies a home before breaking in, he looks for what’s valuable first.
So if you’re feeling attacked through fear, anger, temptation, or doubt, understand this: it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because something good is coming.
Like I said, this season is so, so beautiful. Being in this place mentally, spiritually, and emotionally feels like such a gift. I know whatever is coming is covered in favor, and I’ve earned it. I did the hard things. I fought through the rough seas. Now I get to rest… even if I’m still learning how.
And honestly, that might be the wildest part. I don’t really know how to rest yet. I’ve always had backup plans stacked from A to Z. But lately, I hear Him gently reminding me that my fight-or-flight doesn’t need to be on anymore. I’ve already survived what once broke me.
Now it’s time to let Him search me on a deeper level. To soften, to trust, and to receive what He’s been preparing all along.
So I’m asking Him to search me. What parts of me need more of Him?
I love the way He loves, but where can I love deeper?
I serve, but where can I show up more fully?
I forgive, but what parts of my heart still need softening?
These are the questions I’m bringing to Him. open hands, open heart, ready to grow.
He answered today in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
Do the thing I called you to two years ago.
Do it scared.
Do it anyway.
Do it regardless of what will be said—because I called you to do it.
NOW?! Why now, I'm not even in that mindset, I don't even have time. (Me all morning) lol
Write the book Jaeden.. It's time
As a little girl, words were my escape. My journal, covered in Ariel stickers, was where I felt safe. Two years ago, I heard it—soft, but firm: start writing. So I did. I began in my journal. Then I heard Him again, write, Jaeden. That’s when the blog was born. Deep down, I always knew it was the book. It’s always been the book.
And if I’m being honest… I’m scared. My blog is shared with a small circle of people who love and care about me. Writing a book means my vulnerability is no longer selective, it’s exposed to the world. My walk with God is sacred. I’ve come so far, and there are parts of my story that feel deeply personal, even hard to say out loud. What I’ve walked through shaped the woman I am today, and I’m beyond grateful,but there was a time when the pain was so deep, words couldn’t touch it.
Still, I know our testimonies are rarely just for us. I know there are young women holding onto hope by a thread.
The eight-year-old longing for a safe home.
The fifteen-year-old trying to understand what it means to be a woman.
The eighteen-year-old pregnant and terrified.
The twenty-year-old grieving the loss of a child while raising another.
The twenty-three-year-old desperate for love and marriage, mistaking abuse for love.
The twenty-six-year-old divorced single mom, barely holding on.
I’m meant to write for them. Because then thirty comes… and one day, the pain no longer has the same hold on you. You’ve overcome. You’ve survived. You’ve carried yourself through what once felt unbearable. And there is life on the other side. I know—because I’m standing in it.
The rough seas have been fought, and now I get to sit back and watch the sunset. That doesn’t mean waves won’t crash again, or that fear won’t creep in from time to time, we’re human, after all. Facing hard things doesn’t make us invincible.
But hear this, and hear it clearly: fear shows up because the enemy sees what’s coming. He will do everything he can to make you quit right before the blessing. I remember the nights I wept, wondering how I would keep going. And now, I thank God and ask Him for more time, more time to love, to share, to experience this life, and most of all, to tell others just how good my God truly is.
So this season is about having Him search me more!
So this season is about inviting Him to search me more deeply.
Because one day my Creator will call me home, and I want to stand before Him knowing I lived and loved the way He intended me to. I want my children to look back and say, "My mama showed me Jesus in the way she loved us, patiently, fiercely, and with her whole heart..”I want my husband to look back and know he was chosen every day, loved intentionally, faithfully, and wholeheartedly, and honored through both my words and actions in the way Christ calls us to love. I want my friends to be able to say, “She loved me, supported me, and showed up for me the way Jesus would.”
And I want even strangers to remember me, if only for a brief moment as someone who reflected Jesus through a simple interaction.
So here’s to diving deeper with Jesus and taking the leap of faith, writing the book. Twelve pages down, and whether it ever gets published or not, I know this much: God led me here.
One thing I feel strongly called to encourage you to do is this: put the phone down and pick the Bible up. Start and end each day with gratitude and prayer. So much of the goodness in our lives is already there; sometimes it simply depends on our willingness to notice it.
Until next time, friends, stay blessed.
Lord, you are soooo good to me.
Wow—what a beautiful life You have given me. I am so deeply blessed, all because of You, God. Thank You for the favor You’ve poured over my life. Through every trial, every stormy sea, I have always felt Your hand guiding me. You have never left me.
Thank You for this reader, Lord. Wherever they are in their life today, thank You for bringing them here. I lift them up to You right now. Remind them of Your love limitless, unchanging, and personal. Bring healing to any broken places in their heart. I rebuke any illness, disease, or heaviness they may be carrying, even if it’s in the form of negative thoughts.
If this is their first time hearing about You, or encountering You in this way, let a holy stirring awaken within them. Let their walk with You begin today. Use my words to reveal whatever You need them to see. I pray that pain, anger, trauma, fear, and anything not of You be removed from their life. Draw them closer to You each day, Jesus.
Let the way we love and move through this world reflect You fully. Where pride has taken root and fear has followed, bring Your light and cast out the darkness. You see what no one else can see, search us, Lord. Reveal the places where we need You more.
We love You, Jesus, and we thank You for Your Word that never returns void. Bless this reader today and always. Thank You for the heart You’ve given me, there is nothing I love more than loving like You. Please go before our children. Guard their minds and hearts, and rebuke the enemy from influencing them in any way.
You are a good, good Father. You are the reason my heart beats with such joy. All for You, Lord.
Love ya, Amen.
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