Today, while talking with a friend, tears streaming down my face, I felt completely defeated. I was sitting in regret, replaying everything in my head: Why did I give? Was I too much? Why am I not worthy of being prioritized? Why can't people be honest with me? Why, why, just so many why's and "was I" were said.
He stopped me mid-spiral and said, “Jae, you were just being you. Loving, patient, kind, forgiving, not self-seeking. You always choose to see the best in people. You love like Jesus. You were Jae."
And then, clear as day, I heard it in my spirit: This is how you are seen / remembered Jaeden.
The love you give others is the love they needed. You will always make more. You are love. You love exactly as your Savior did.
My sadness/disappoint turned into peace/recognition. I remembered one of my favorite scriptures 1 Corinthians 13 4- 8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails"
I embody this. My love doesn’t come with regulations or conditions—I give it freely, even when nothing is given back. And I’ll be honest, it hurts. Choosing to put yourself out there when part of you wants to retreat, loving boldly because you’re led by faith, and giving your all while fearing you may never be loved the way God designed you to be... And then being proving right time and time again. People just take.
Clearly, my book still has more chapters to be written. (sigh)
Anyways, let’s get to the good stuff—the root of this blog: Which version of you will people remember when your name is mentioned?
Despite being hurt, taken advantage of, or not seen as valuable, I choose to remain loving. I am valuable. I am worth choosing. I refuse to let the hardness of this world harden me, dim my light, or change who I am. I embody Christ’s love, patient, kind, forgiving, not self-seeking and that is how I want to be remembered.
I’ve never been a fan of revenge. “Do me wrong, I’ll do you worse” has never been my motto. Do me wrong, and I’ll pray for you, baby. I’ve learned that the way people treat others is nothing more than a reflection of the battles they’re fighting within.
So to those who have taken my love, understand this: it was, and always will be, a gift. You got to experience something genuine in a world full of pretending. A woman unafraid to show up as her true, authentic self.
I can confidently say that if my name were mentioned in a room full of people who truly experienced me, they could all agree on this: that girl just loves. She wanted the best for me. She spoke life into me. And she showed up whenever I needed her. She didn't just talk about how much she loved Jesus, she lived like Him
So the big question I want to ask you is this, If your name was mentioned , what version of you would people remember?
Are you someone who takes, or someone who gives?
Does your love come with conditions?
Are you quick to anger, or quick to forgive?
Are you patient?
Do your actions reflect a love like Jesus showed?
If your name were mentioned, which version of you would people remember?
I’m no saint—and as always, your girl will keep it real with y’all. There was a time I carried anger in my heart that probably made the devil smile. But I chose differently. Being hurt over and over was slowly unleashing a ruthless, cold, empty version of me. One night, I woke up around three in the morning and fell to my knees in my living room, begging God not to let that version of me win. I pleaded with Him not to allow my heart to be changed, not to let me see love through the lens the enemy wanted. I asked Him to keep me soft in a world determined to harden me.
Heartbreak found me. Disappointment of every kind found me. Someone once said to me, “If you ask God for patience, do you think He just hands it to you? No.. He gives you seasons that test your patience.” Something like that… and damn, it stuck with me. I asked God to keep my heart soft and full of love, and in return, I was tried and challenged in situations that would have every reason to harden it.
But I stayed. I chose love anyway and I always will
One day, I will stand before my Father. Hopefully a long way from now, but in His perfect timing, when I am finally called home. When that day comes, I want to stand before Him proud, humble, and full of gratitude. I pray that every day I’m given here on earth reflects that desire.
Lately, my flesh has been loud wanting more, craving comfort, craving validation. Of course it does. Our flesh is the only part of us this life gets to keep, and it doesn’t follow us into heaven. That’s why Scripture so often reminds us to die to our flesh.
In moments of hurt, loneliness, anger, and longing, we are still called to choose what honors Jesus. Even when it’s hard. Even when it costs us something. He died for us—so choosing Him, again and again, is the least I can offer in return. Why is it so hard though?
A craving comes, your heart races, desire ignites, and suddenly it feels consuming. But what’s the root of it? Where does it actually come from? If something is good, it comes from God. And yet, even knowing that even striving to be a good, godly woman, why does it feel so easy to fall short? Why is failing Him sometimes easier than obeying Him?
That tension lives in all of us, the space between spirit and flesh, between who we’re called to be and what our humanity pulls us toward.
Don't beat yourself up, this is where Jesus does His best work.
From one sinner to another—lol—just choose the walk with Him. I promise, life is so much better this way.
In the stillness, He hears every prayer, every call, every cry. He covers us daily with His holy light. I wish everyone could experience the joy, peace, and love of the Spirit. Can you imagine how much lighter the world would feel? How many moments the enemy would lose?
A perfect world feels far off, but do you know how we get there? By being that light every day. By living and loving like Jesus. When we do, every interaction becomes a reflection of Him to someone who needs it.
Jesus’ love already lives within you, I promise. Open your Bible. Call out to Him. Ask Him to show you the parts of your heart that need more of Him.
Temptation, anger, fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. It will flee. Command it out of you .
This world is always asking for more—more time, more energy, more of your heart. God, on the other hand, only wants to give. The life waiting for you is beyond anything you could imagine. The love, surrender, peace, and clarity ahead of you are far closer than you think. And truthfully, I need to listen to my own words right now.
What you see is a version of me the writer, the lover, the mother, the friend, the divorcee, the goober. But beneath all of that, I’m just a thirty-year-old woman learning how to live and love. I fail. I fall short. I sin. And still, I want to grow. I want to be better.
Today, I caught myself unraveling, angry, frustrated, ready to harden my heart and give up on the very things that make me me. For a moment, loving felt like a waste. Caring felt exhausting. But then I remembered, my love and my energy are not weaknesses. They are gifts. And gifts are never something to regret giving.
So I’ll leave this here. Every person leaves behind a version of themselves in the hearts of others.
Which version of you do you want to be remembered for?
If that question made you think of a moment you could’ve handled better… an apology you should’ve given… a love you withheld—then maybe it’s time for a little soul-searching. Give God a call; He’s already waiting by the phone.
Till next time, sinners, just kidding. You know I’m a lover girl. 😉
Heyyyyyy God,
Thank You for walking with me even on the days I trip over my own feet. Thank You for Your patience when I’m tired, emotional, dramatic, or trying to do things in my own strength. Thank You for loving me through my mess, my questions, my doubts, and my very human moments.
Guard my heart, Lord. Keep it soft in a world that tries to harden it. When my flesh gets loud and my emotions get spicy, help me pause and choose You anyway. Teach me to love like Jesus—not perfectly, but faithfully. Let my words bring life, my actions reflect You, and my presence feel safe to those who encounter me.
I lift up every person reading this, God. You know exactly where they are, what they’re carrying, and what they’re afraid to say out loud. Meet them in it. Cover them with Your peace, remind them of their worth, and draw them closer to You in a way that feels personal and undeniable. Let them feel seen, loved, and held by You today.
And Lord… when I mess up (because I will), remind me that grace still applies. Pick me up, dust me off, and nudge me back onto the path—gently, please, I’m sensitive.
May the version of me people remember point back to You. And if I forget that along the way, feel free to humble me lovingly… but maybe not in front of everyone.
Amen.
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