You owe it to yourself - March 10th, 2025.

 You owe it all to yourself to see what the other side looks like... So begin today

I want you to take a moment and picture your greatest potential.
The version of yourself you’ve always dreamed of becoming.
The life you’ve imagined living—the peace, the purpose, the freedom.

Now, look at where you are today and ask yourself:
“Are my choices pulling me closer to that version of me—or further away?”

These past few months have tested me in ways I can barely put into words.
Let’s just say—it was dark. And for a moment, it felt like the enemy was winning again.

I remember crying out in total frustration:
“WHY, GOD? What’s the point? Haven’t You seen enough of my tears? I have nothing left to give. I’m done fighting. I’m done standing.”

I hit a wall—emotionally, spiritually, everything.
One night, I cried myself to sleep, totally defeated. And the next morning, before I even opened my eyes fully, I felt the tears welling up again. I looked at my pillow—still damp—and said through sobs:
“Lord, I haven’t even started my day and I’m already breaking. I’ve surrendered everything. Please take this pain—I can’t bear it another second.”

And then—like a whisper in the chaos—I was reminded of what He bore for me.
I thought of the verse:
“Love is patient. Love is kind. It bears all things. It is long-suffering.”

I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I wanted to stay curled up and cry.
But instead, I crawled to my knees.
And I prayed.

I thanked Him.
Not because it was easy—but because I needed to remember what was still good.
I thanked Him for the breath in my lungs, the sunrise I hadn’t seen yet, and the fact that—even broken—I still had a heart that felt.
I cried out:
“Lord, please don’t let my heart change. I don’t want to lose my faith again. I don’t want to become bitter. I don’t want to see life through a lens of defeat. I want to keep hoping. Keep believing. Because I owe it to You—and to myself—to see what redemption looks like.”

That night—despite how heavy I felt—I pushed myself to go to the temple.
I didn’t want to go.
But I did.
And as soon as I got there, I couldn’t even make it to the front door without breaking down.

A friendly face met me and said:
“I was worried about you. I’m so glad you came.”

I spent the entire time sitting with tears pouring down my face.
I felt completely shattered.
But also, somehow… deeply held.

Broken—yet seen.
Undone—yet still chosen.
And above all else, loved.

When you think you're down and have no fight left, that's when you give it your all.

Satan is a liar.
A deceiver.
And he will always try to paint giving up as your best option.

Trust me—I know this personally.
He whispers things like:
“You’ve given everything. You’re exhausted. You can’t do this alone. They’re never going to change.”

Don’t listen.
When you’re down to your last fight—give it everything you’ve got.
Because you owe it to yourself.
And you owe it to God.

You owe it to yourself to see what happens when you become the woman (or man) God created you to be.
You owe it to yourself to see what He can do with a broken marriage—when you don’t give up.
You owe it to yourself to experience a life not chained to pornography, lust, or addiction.
You owe it to yourself to see how many lives your hands can serve.
You owe it to yourself to watch your voice—and His word—reach places you never imagined.
You owe it to yourself to stand long enough to see the victory that’s coming.

You owe it all—to yourself and to God—to become who you were meant to be in His name.

So don’t stop here.
Don’t throw in the towel.
Don’t call it quits.
And don’t you dare believe for a second that giving up is the answer.

Don’t let Satan win.
Because make no mistake—he’s betting on it.

There will be days in our future—many of them—where we’ll look back and want to thank our old selves for not giving up.
Days when we’ll remember the battles we fought, the tears we shed, and the faith we chose to hold onto… even when it felt impossible.

And yes, we’ll thank ourselves.
But more than that—we’ll thank Him.

Because it was His love that carried us.
His grace that sustained us.
His mercy that held us together through every trial, every storm, every moment we almost quit.

The truth is, I’ve wanted to give up more times than I can count.
There were moments when everything in me screamed, “This is hopeless. Just walk away.”
But even in that—His love pushed me forward.
His voice whispered, “Keep going.”
His Spirit held me steady.

So to the one reading this, the one who’s tired and on the edge of letting go…
To the one who’s been told God isn’t real or that He doesn’t love you…
I promise you—when you surrender your will for His, when you trust Him even with faith as small as a mustard seed…
Everything begins to change.

I know what it feels like to not really know Jesus.
I also know what it feels like to try and live life without Him fully in it.
And I wouldn’t wish that emptiness on anyone.

That kind of pain—the mental torment that whispers, “This is it. This pain is all life will ever be”—
That’s not from Him. That’s not the end of your story.

And maybe you’re thinking: “If Jesus is really in her life, why is she still going through hard things?”

The answer?
I’m human.
I still hurt.
I still feel.

But the difference now is—my emotions don’t rule me. My faith does.
And that faith? It sustains me.
It carries me through the storms that used to drown me.

Life is already hard enough.
So why not trust the One who created you?
Give it to Him—even if you don’t know what that looks like.
Even if you’ve never prayed.
Even if you think it’s pointless.

He sees you. He knows you. He’s been waiting for you.

You are His prodigal son.
So come on home.
There are arms waiting for you—welcoming, not condemning.
Just take one step. He’ll meet you in the rest.

This topic is never easy to swallow—especially for those who are considering divorce or separation - 

However it's been heavy on my heart to write about for a while.
But please don't just take my words for it.

Listen to the Spirit.
He’s the One who led me to even write this in the first place.

When God ordains a marriage, He brings a man and a woman together to become helpmates—partners in this life.
His design is clear:
A man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
A woman is to honor and respect her husband.
And a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church—sacrificially, wholly, unconditionally.

Somehow, we’ve twisted this.
We’ve watered it down.
This generation has it so beyond backwards.
We treat marriage like it’s a contract instead of a covenant.
Something disposable instead of something sacred.

But let me be blunt:
You do NOT give up on your spouse

Even if everything tells you to - That's not God, it goes entirely against His word. 

I don’t care how hard it gets.
I don’t care if they’ve become someone you barely recognize.
I don’t care if it feels unbearable right now.

Don’t you see?
This has been Satan’s plan all along.

The moment you and your spouse met—
The moment you said “I do” and stepped into covenant—
The enemy marked your marriage.
Why? Because he knows the power of unity.
He knows what a God-ordained marriage can do.
And so he’s made it his mission to tear it down.

You owe it to Heavenly Father—
The very One who brought you your spouse,
The One you made a covenant with alongside them—
To fight for your marriage.
To fight like hell against hell.

God’s Word is clear and it doesn’t change:

“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
— Matthew 19:4–6

Hold the line.
Don’t back down.
You’re not just fighting for a marriage—you’re fighting for a testimony.

You owe it to yourself to see what not giving up on your Marriage/Family looks like

Marriage is a covenant.

That Heavenly Father would never tell you to give up on - especially if your spouse is willing to give it everything they have to save/fight or it. 
It’s another lie straight from the enemy.

He whispers:
“If I leave, I’m good. I’m free. I’m not in covenant anymore.”
But let me ask you this:

What about the love that brought you together?
The love that held you together through sleepless nights, long days, and everything in between?
That was God.

Think of the moments when you couldn’t imagine life without that person.
What changed?

I’ll tell you—your heart did.
And not because you “fell out of love,” but because you stopped fighting for it.
You stopped believing in it.
You stopped choosing it.

Pride puffed up.
Maybe someone else stroked your ego.
And Satan made sure the grass looked greener somewhere else.

He whispered:
“This person is so horrible to you. You deserve better. You can do better.”

You know who deserves better?

Jesus.
The One who gave His life for your sins.
The One who bled and suffered for you and your spouse.

He deserves more from us.

God ordained marriage—so you fight for it with everything you’ve got.

⸻

Marriage is an act of faith.
And faith takes courage—especially when it’s hard.
You have to endure to the end.
That means sticking through the disappointments, the trials, the heartbreak, and yes… even the betrayals.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret:
Your God-ordained spouse will probably be the one person who tries you the most in this life.
They’ll challenge you.
Test your patience.
Break your heart.
And yet—that’s the point.

Why?

Because through loving them anyway, you’re learning what it means to love like Jesus.
You’re learning His patience.
His mercy.
His long-suffering.

Marriage is God’s greatest tool for sanctification.

How many times have you said:
“It shouldn’t be this hard.”
But who told you it would be easy?

You think climbing a mountain is easy?
You shift gears.
You push through.
You get bruised.
And you keep going.

That’s what you do in marriage.
If it’s not working—adjust.
Switch gears.
Change the tires.
Tape what’s broken.
But don’t throw away what God gave you.

What makes you think He’ll hand you something new and shiny… The only thing that will come is a counterfeit sent from the enemy to distract you from Gods divine purpose and calling on your life. 
You don't just toss aside what was once your most treasured gift— your rib
Simply because it stopped working the way you wanted?

So what—your spouse no longer fits your mold?
They sinned?
They fell?
They lost their way?

Good.

Now it’s your turn to love like Jesus.

“Damaged goods” doesn’t mean discarded goods.

Just because someone’s broken, bruised, or walking through a hard season doesn’t mean they’ve lost their value.
God doesn’t throw people away. Ever.
He restores. He redeems. He repurposes.
He brings beauty out of the broken places—if we let Him in.

So no, being “damaged” doesn’t disqualify someone.
If anything, it’s often a sign that there’s a deep well of purpose inside.
Pain doesn’t mean they’re empty—it means they’ve been through something. And God can use that.

Just because you can’t see the treasure inside right now, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Don’t be so quick to dismiss what God still calls valuable

Let me ask you this—have you looked inward lately?
Really looked?
How many times have you fallen short?
How many times have your eyes wandered in lust toward someone who wasn’t your spouse?
How many times have you word-cursed your marriage, your circumstances, your spouse?
How many times did you invite outsiders—friends, family, opinions—into something that was only meant for you, your spouse, and God?

The answer?
Probably more than you want to admit.

Feeling uncomfortable?

Good.
That’s the Holy Spirit.
Not shaming you—but convicting you.
Inviting you to dig deeper, reflect harder, and stop pointing fingers when there’s work to be done within.

So why do I speak so strongly on this?

Why does this message pour out of me like fire?

Because I know what it feels like to be given up on.
I know the pain of being deemed too complicated, too emotional, too hard to love.
I know what it’s like to stare at my reflection and whisper:
“I wasn’t worth the fight.”

And I don’t wish that pain on anyone.

So if you’re reading this and you’re on the edge—debating whether to walk away from your spouse, your covenant, your family…
Don’t.

Please fight for them.
Push a little harder.
Pray a little louder.
Love a little deeper.

Because the same God you’re asking for healing and restoration from…
The same God who never gave up on you…
Is asking you to fight for your spouse in the same way He fights for you every single day.

Don’t leave someone with the wound of believing they weren’t worth the battle.

Fight for them.
Fight for your covenant.
Fight for the story God is still writing.

Because it’s not over yet.
And if you let Him—He will make something holy out of what feels hopeless

Those so-called “damaged goods”?
They’re not worthless.
They’re just hidden—wrapped inside a torn-up, broken box the world has tried to throw away.

But if you’d dare to look deeper, if you’d have the faith to believe…
You’d see that what’s inside is holy.
A precious gem.
A story still being written by the hand of God.

Please—don’t listen to the enemy.
He’s a liar.
He wants those gems for himself.
He wants you to toss away what still holds eternal value.

Just because it looks broken on the outside doesn’t mean God isn’t doing something incredible on the inside.

Don’t walk away too soon.
Don’t give up too fast.
Don’t miss the miracle because you got tired of the mess.

The enemy had me believing for so long that I wasn’t worth the fight.
That my daughter and I were nothing more than scraps—leftovers no one would choose.
Dropped off at the stop where damaged goods are left
But oh, how I wish I could go back and hold Jaeden and Ry in 2022.
I wish I could whisper to them, “You have no idea how good it’s going to get.
What the enemy is using to break you—God is going to use to bless others.
You’re not forgotten. You’re not discarded. You’re being refined.”

Now I know—without a doubt—that my daughter and I are, and always will be, worth the fight.
And when God ordains something, it will always be worth fighting for.

So if you’re thinking about walking away from your marriage…
If you’re exhausted, heartbroken, and ready to throw in the towel—
Don’t.

Switch gears.
Tape it up.
Pray harder.
And keep going.

You owe it to yourself to see what God can do with a broken marriage.
You owe it to Him to fight for the covenant He blessed you with.

⸻

And while we’re here—
Let’s talk about lust.
Let’s talk about pornography.

It’s a silent destroyer.
It promises a thrill and leaves you empty.
Yeah, it feels good in the moment—but then what?
You’re left with guilt, shame, isolation, and that gut-punch of regret.

Don’t you want to finally break free?

You can.
Yes, it’s hard.
Yes, the temptation is real.
But God is stronger.
And He’s whispering right now:
“Please, my son. Please, my daughter. Break free from these chains. There’s so much more for you.”

A life without it?
Is a life actually worth living.

That anger. That hopelessness. That fog in your mind?
It lifts when you let Him break the chains of bondage.

If you’re serious—ask the Lord to show you what the spirit of lust really looks like.
I’m telling you, she’s not beautiful.
She’s not seductive.
She’s not glamorous.

I’ve seen her.
I’ve come face to face with her.
And what I once thought was thrilling and exciting—
Was actually disgusting, demonic, and designed to destroy me.

What the world paints as desire?
Is actually death in disguise.

So if you want freedom—ask.
God will show you.
He’ll deliver you.
And He’ll love you back to life

I promise you—if you surrender this fully… if you lay pornography down once and for all, the enemy will lose his grip on your marriage.

He’s been using it as a doorway—
A way into your heart…
A wedge between you and your spouse…
A crack in the foundation of trust…
And worst of all, it drives out the Spirit from your home.

Close that door.
Seal it shut.
And watch the peace of God return.

Your potential—the man or woman of Christ you were called to be—is far greater than you could ever imagine.

God can make sunflowers bloom even in a landfill.
The places your testimony will take you, the lives your words and your hands will touch, the legacy you’ll leave… it’s incomprehensible.
So again, I say this with everything in me: you owe it to yourself to see what that looks like.

And when you’re in the final stretch—
When it feels like all hope is gone, like you’ve given your last ounce of strength,
Fight harder.

Because you are not alone.
And anything God has blessed you with will always be worth fighting for.

⸻

This life will stretch you beyond your limits.
But don’t you want to look back and say, “I gave it everything I had” before you even think of giving up?

I’ve had to fight—through pain, through disappointment, through silence.
And I’ve had to see this battle through because my children, my grandchildren, my husband, the generations to come from me, and my Heavenly Father…
They are all worth it.

I thank the Lord for the storms.
For the scars.
For the battles I’ve had to face—and the ones I’m still facing.

Because through them, He is birthing a woman I didn’t even know existed.
A strength I didn’t know I had.
A fire I never knew would burn this deep.

And still… I feel so undeserving.
Yet He loves me with a perfect love.

⸻

This is why I write.

Not to prove anything about me.
But to prove, through every word, that He is everything.

He saved me.
He changed me.
And I owe everything to Him.

So if I could sum this up in one truth—it’s this:

You owe it to yourself and to HIM to see what not giving up looks like.

To see what He can do with broken marriages.
To see how He can restore shattered families.
To see how He can take your deepest addictions and turn them into weapons of freedom.

There’s a life waiting for you on the other side of this pain.
And whenever my time comes to go home, I want people to know:

I was the kind of woman who fought.
Who stood.
Who gave everything she had to honor everything Jesus gave her.
And who became everything He created her to be.

Because I believe in the power of my Father’s Word.
I believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
I believe in the God of the impossible.
I believe in the Waymaker.
And I believe that through Him, all things are possible.

I believe in the restoration of broken marriages.
I believe His love is strong enough to carry you through addiction, trauma, grief, and loss.
I believe nothing is too far gone.

Because that is the God I serve.