These past couple of weeks have really tested my faith. Never in God, but humanity.
With the release of files, the daily TikToks, the constant reels — I’ve felt suffocated. What has our world come to? How can people be so dark? How has cruelty become so casual?
I think back to moments in my own life, sitting across from someone who hurt me, genuinely confused. Lying awake replaying conversations. Staring at my phone, waiting for some kind of reassurance that never came. Trying to make sense of how they could treat me so terribly when all I ever offered was love.
When loving isn’t just something I do, it’s something I am.
And then I remember: it is a gift not to understand cruelty.
It is a privilege to be incapable of certain behaviors. Everything that was done to me, I could never bring myself to do to another. I know what it feels like to be abandoned. To question whether I ever meant anything. To stand in front of a mirror searching for defects that were never there.
It was never me.
Some people operate from emptiness. I operate from love. And I would rather be bewildered by darkness than fluent in it.
I was FaceTiming a friend earlier when the sun hit her eyes just right. Perfect little pools of honeyed brown. I couldn’t help but stop and admire how beautiful she was.
And yet, most of that conversation was spent trying to convince her of the very thing I could see so clearly — that she is beautiful, that she is loved, that she is enough. All because some idiot man’s actions made her forget it.
God, I am so tired of the men of this generation. So many walking around broken and unhealed, bleeding onto women who did nothing but offer love. Damaging softness. Dimming light. Leaving beautiful women to question themselves for wounds they never caused.
It’s exhausting to watch love keep paying the price for someone else’s refusal to heal.
I say this with love, but my goodness — do better!!
You know what it feels like to hurt. You know what it feels like to be broken. So why would you ever choose to become the reason someone else feels that way? I’m not just tired of men. I’m tired of people. Tired of the curated reels and recycled memes. Tired of the highlight reels that sell “happy” while real hearts are quietly unraveling. Tired of scripture in captions and emptiness in character. Quoting Jesus is easy. Living like Him is not.
I’m not a saint — we all know that. But I am real. I won’t sugarcoat. I won’t pretend. I won’t package pain into something pretty just to make it more palatable.
When do good hearts win? When do the ones genuinely trying to walk His path stop feeling like they’re crawling through it? Maybe today I am a little tired. Maybe today I’m a little raw. But I am done — absolutely done — feeling not good enough in the hands of anyone who cannot recognize my value.
I’m tired of watching my friends cry over men who couldn’t even offer basic honesty. Tired of seeing beautiful women shrink because someone made them feel like an option. Just communicate. Just be honest. Just value people.
Choose love before life forces you to understand its absence.
We get one life. One. And somehow we waste so much of it playing games, posturing, pretending. I wish people were brave enough to be honest. I wish more hearts were healed. I wish more souls chose God not for aesthetics, but for transformation.
And maybe the “win” for good hearts isn’t that the world suddenly becomes kinder. Maybe the win is this: we refuse to become what hurt us. We stay soft. We stay honest. We stay aligned.
Even when it costs us.
Especially when it costs us.
I don’t want to give up on love. I don’t want to believe there aren’t genuinely good people left. But if I’m honest, some days it feels harder to hold that conviction.
We live in a society that is so self-seeking. So many people scanning other people’s cups to see how full they are — comparing, measuring, resenting — instead of asking whether there’s room to pour into them. We’re tangled in politics, identity debates, mental health crises, cultural noise. Everyone shouting. Few people listening. Fewer people loving well.
And lately, with everything surfacing and all the digging being done, it feels stripped down to something much simpler than we make it: good versus evil. Not in a theatrical way. In a quiet, daily way. In the small choices. In how we treat people when no one is watching.
One thing I do know — and can say without hesitation — is that God always wins.
Evil feeds on hate, envy, lust, pride, division. It thrives when we harden. When we retaliate. When we choose ego over humility. But it weakens in the presence of agape love — the kind that is patient, sacrificial, steady. It weakens when forgiveness enters the room. When truth is spoken with grace. When someone refuses to become bitter.
Love isn’t naïve. It’s warfare.
And maybe that’s why it feels exhausting sometimes. Because choosing love in a self-obsessed world is resistance. Choosing integrity when shortcuts are easier is resistance. Choosing God when culture offers a thousand substitutes is resistance.
But darkness has never outlasted light.
So even if it gets harder some days, I won’t give up on love. Because the very fact that it’s contested means it matters.
Seeing elderly couples holding hands still warms something deep inside me. I look at those wrinkled fingers intertwined and wonder how many times they had to forgive each other. How many times they chose humility over pride. How often they put God first when it would’ve been easier to walk away. How much unseen spiritual warfare they endured just to still be standing side by side. That quiet endurance — that covenant kept, gives me hope.
It’s the toddler who runs to comfort a friend who’s fallen. It’s hearing that my daughter diffused an argument at a sleepover by bringing up Jesus. It’s watching someone’s entire face light up when they talk about what God has pulled them out of. It’s my own heart staying soft in a world that constantly tries to harden it.
These are the reasons I still believe in love.
Yes, there is darkness. Yes, it feels loud. Yes, some months leave you wanting to scream. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t wanted to look certain people in the eye and say, “hey, fuck you for hurting me.” That’s the raw truth. But what would it change? People know what they’re choosing. Love, pride, honesty, selfishness — they’re all choices. So let them choose. And then believe them.
When you sit back and simply watch, people will reveal exactly what you mean to them. No chasing. No convincing. No over-explaining.
You just keep chasing God’s light. Keep choosing love. Keep aligning yourself with what is eternal instead of what is fleeting.
I know it can feel like being a “good one” means you never win. But maybe the win isn’t loud. Maybe it’s this: remaining rare in a world that has grown comfortable with careless. Staying soft when bitterness would be easier. Choosing integrity when retaliation would feel better for a moment.
Rare is scarce these days. And God does not overlook what is rare.
Light has never lost in the end.
8:18 " I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"
I trust in your word, better is coming. The hurt cannot nor ever compare to the joy you are bringing, Jesus.
There’s a poem I’ve returned to over and over throughout my life — “Footprints in the Sand.” If you’ve never read it, I encourage you to.
It reminds me that even in my breaking, in my angriest seasons, in my deepest heartbreak, He has always been there. Even when I couldn’t feel Him. Even when I was certain He had left. And the most beautiful part — in the moments I thought I was walking alone, He was carrying me.
I keep much of my childhood and teenage years private. They hold some of my darkest chapters. Reading through those evil files recently stirred something deep in me — a kind of PTSD — thinking about innocent little girls having their innocence stolen. I remember being young and crying out to God, “Why is this happening? Why are You allowing this?” I felt abandoned. I felt angry. I felt like something sacred had been taken from me that I could never get back.
That pain led to years of searching for myself in empty places. I didn’t understand God. I didn’t understand suffering. I didn’t understand any of it — until I almost lost my life at seventeen.
I flatlined. My heart stopped. I had to be brought back.
And in that space between life and death, everything changed. I experienced something that altered me forever. I felt the presence of my Savior in a way that was undeniable — not distant, not angry, not absent. Present. Loving. Steady. I understood, in a way words struggle to explain, how deeply I was known and how fiercely I was loved. And I also understood that none of my pain had gone unseen.
I asked Him, “Why would You allow it?” And what settled into my spirit was this: free will. Agency. The heartbreaking gift God gives His children — the ability to choose, even when those choices wound others. Love requires freedom. And freedom means some will choose evil.
Reading those files, I kept thinking of the innocent children. There is comfort in believing they are held safely now. But it doesn’t erase the ache. It doesn’t make the darkness less dark.
I still don’t understand how this world can be so corrupt.
And then again, what a privilege not to understand.
To be incapable of comprehending evil is, in its own way, proof that it never took root in me. I would rather wrestle with the questions than ever grow fluent in darkness.
So how do we make the change?
By being it.
By choosing Jesus every single day. Not just in captions. Not just in crisis. But in the quiet, ordinary interactions no one applauds. In the way we speak. In the way we forgive. In the way we refuse to return harm for harm.
Be the example of His love and light to every person you encounter. Every day is a gift, breath in your lungs, another sunrise, another opportunity to get it right. It’s about time we remember who gives it.
I know it’s felt dark. Heavy. Overwhelming. And whatever your political views are — that’s not the point.
This isn’t red versus blue. It isn’t culture wars or comment sections.
It’s good versus evil.
And the only way good wins is if we choose it. Intentionally. Daily.
So wake up. Guard your heart. Stay soft. And choose Jesus.
Lord, we need you.
Heavenly Father, I am calling/crying out to you. Please wake your children up. Speak to them today. Through my words, through an interaction they have and or a stupid reel they scroll upon. We need you. Thank you for opening my eyes, to whats true. Thank you for your love, I've never experienced something so sweet. Please help us get it right. Where satan whispers we are too far gone, you have always been right there showing us his lies. Reveal what is true day by day. I lift up our country to you, God, please continue to cover us in your protection and grace. Rebuke the enemy from our lives. Every plan he has, scheme his built up, crush it today. Please speak to my brothers and sisters and show them everything you've shown me. Push more people to write about you. Protect this reader, lord. They are not here by coincidence. I know you brought them to this blog for a purpose, so do your mighty work. Let more know you through me. Use me, Jesus. I am here as your vessel. Forgive us for moments we havent chosen you. Bless our sweet and innocent children, Lord. Keep them safe watch over and protected all of their days. I rebuke Satan and his plans. Your plans are greater. I decree and declare that addiction, lust, pain, shame, and guilt, all things that keep them from you, do not find them. Those are being abused, it ends today. I believe your ways are greatest. I trust in the timing you have for all of our lives. Take down the evil.
We love you, Lord and thank you,
Amen
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