Come Home, Prodigal.

I can't recall the day I walked away from God or the little steps I took to get so far from him, but I do remember how lost and broken I felt when I was away. I remember the anger and pain that consumed me and how I was longing for home, but stupidly sat with the spirit of rebellion far too long and refused to go. You want to know the dumbest part? Being away from God was so uncomfortable, and I knew exactly what I needed to do, however I didn't do it. Why? I wish I knew. 

I wish I did it sooner, because my goodness the tears and pain I could have saved. However, removing past mistakes would remove the wisdom I now have, the repentance process I grew through, and the faith I was blessed with. Like God says, "what the enemy uses for evil, I will use for good." He continuously works things together for our good. The breaking is painful, suffocating, isolating, and will challenge you more than you ever have in your life. Hang on though, it get's better. The pain doesn't last forever, kinda like labor. It hurts, but it's not forever and you get the most beautiful gift God could ever give you at the end of it.

I feel like I finally am reaching the end of labor, the hard part was done. I pushed. I did the breaking, I did the refining, the crying… now it’s time to rejoice in what my Father has promised me and give birth. The one where I walk uprightly as the daughter He called me to be. Not one that is easily shaken by the adversary. The one that binds and rebukes him as easy as hitting snooze on my alarm clock. The kind of woman who went through the bootcamp and battlefield and came out with the scars to show it. The strength that only comes from one. 

The One who gave me life, who entrusted me with this very journey, has carried me through every twist, every turn, every rise and fall. My Lord, my Savior and Redeemer, how I love You! Let these words serve not to magnify me, but to bear witness to Your goodness. May every line be a testimony that through You, all things are possible — not to showcase my worth, but to proclaim that You are everything. Through my words, let my brothers and sisters know, it begins with YOU.

Trust me on this one!

If there is anything you (reader) take from any of my words, let it be this… Just choose Him. With everything. Your life, your marriage, your children, your family, your choices, your career, your health, etc. Let Him be your #1. Let your foundation be on the truest rock there is. In doing so I promise, even if walls fall, or roof’s collapse, your foundation will never be moved. Letting my Heavenly Father in my heart has changed in me more ways than any of these blogs or books I write could ever put into words. The very things that I have felt chained and bound do, I have broken free from. Anger that consumed me, pain that covered my body, and thoughts that filled my mind have been replaced with nothing but a peace, love, and fight for life.

My son Mason, never got to take his first breath, walk his first steps, and or ever feel his earthly Mother's embrace. Losing him changed me as a woman. I was so angry at God for the longest time. How could He take my sons life, yet I was stuck this "awful" one. It was my choice to see the glass half empty and make excuses! My goodness, excuse after excuse found me. Instead of looking in the mirror and facing myself I chose to point at the ones who were holding it up to me. Now, I'm thankful for that mirror, and being forced to see that I was wasting this life I was given. That labor pains do go away and what's waiting is the gift of LIVING.

You owe it to yourself  to see and feel this 

Like my last blog in March read, you owe it to yourself to see what the other side looks like and ya know what else you owe yourself? You owe it to yourself to feel our Father's embrace when He welcomes you home. I know it seems scary, trust me I was there.. You question yourself, "but what If I'm scolded when I come home?" "What if I'm told how awful I was for ever leaving?" "What if the door is slammed in my face?"

I know the unknown — the “what if” — can feel terrifying. But hear me clearly: the speech you’re rehearsing, the one where you try to explain why you’ve been gone, it doesn’t matter. What matters is this — the fear that holds you back from running into your Father’s house is actually proof that you carry a high calling on your life. Why do you think the enemy fights you so fiercely? Why do you think he keeps you bound to your addictions? It’s because he’s terrified of you becoming everything your Father in Heaven has destined you to be.

Satan knows, your addictions will become your strengths! That's why he lurks around every corner tempting you more and more each day. He knows you will move mountains and your testimony/strength of breaking those addiction chains will cause others to want to break free from theirs. All that guilt you harbor God will take you through a repentance process and let me tell ya, it's a painful one. Being forced to not only see the pain you're feeling/why, but then looking at pain you have caused. Whew child, prepare yourself for that season. You'll get through it, but it's a tough one.  

He's waiting with open arms

Our Father is ready with open arms to welcome you back home. He never left you. He never abandoned you. He will NEVER leave you. It Is us who walk away from him. From one prodigal to another, don’t let the fear of being scolded when you get home, keep you from coming home sooner. He doesn’t, and won’t. His arms are just ready to embrace you.

Fear will be removed from you if choose to finally face it and guilt can no longer control you if you choose to lay it at the cross.

You must do your part, and again from one prodigal to another it hurts, it’s hard, and It will challenge you, but I promise the life that is waiting for you is far better than the one you’re leaving behind. The man/woman you’ve been, is not who you have to remain. Be refined, by the truest refiner there is. The moment you surrender it all to Him, the worldly pains and sorrows that have kept you chained, break. This is your season to break all of the chains, watch them fall and collapse because they no longer have a hold on you. So turn to him and go home prodigal, it’s time. You've ran long enough and baby I know you're not comfortable. Sin is nothing but a space heater, warm for a while, but sit there long enough and you'll feel those burns. I promise, it's not worth it. 

Run back into the arms of your Father, and choose Him. Satan want’s to keep you exactly where you are. He waits, preys, and bet’s on you failing in this life and choosing his path. The addictions you have are nothing but cancer, it won’t go away, it will only keep growing until it takes over you completely. That shame, fear, and guilt you have is nothing but chains you choose to put around your ankle. I promise, you may feel confined and chained, but you have the choice! Return to Him, and He will return to you. He will break those chains for you.

Lay it at the cross and don’t go pick it back up. The words on the pages, the promise He made us, still have the final say. He will make the way for you as long as you turn to him! He will break every single chain! Just go home, prodigal.

As a prodigal I know the anger you feel, the sleepless nights you're having, and the mental anguish you're in. I lived and felt it all and I'm telling you, I know where your escape is from it all. It's not running further, it's running home. You wanna get mad? Get mad at Satan, because he is the one that leads us to destruction. Your anger is not too big for God! No past mistake is too much for Him to handle or too heavy for Him carry. Impossible is what our Father does best. So that broken heart, that broken marriage, that broken family, that health issue is where He shows up best. So put it in His hands and leave it there. Imagine the most broken parts of you in HIS hands.

What do you think He would do with it? 

Where do you think He will bring you because of it? 

Do you think it is too much for HIM?

The seasons He will take you in after you hand him those broken pieces are as I've said difficult, but beyond worth it. I'm so thankful for my seasons before this one. Although they were some of my most painful ones. I can say today with full humility I am more than a "changed woman", I am a SAVED woman. He saved me, in every single way a woman can be saved, and I owe it all to Him. So that’s why I continue to write enough to put JK Rowling out of business (kidding me and Ry love ya girl) you get the picture though. I write and write and share my love for Jesus because I want you to see what he can do with a broken woman and all her broken little pieces.

The brokenness, hurt, anger, addiction, shame, guilt, fear you feel is nothing but a trial for HIS glory. What the enemy meant for evil, God turned it for good, and HE made a new way for me. My illness, my brokenness, my anger, pain, fear, shame, guilt, frustration, anxiety, etc was taken and replaced with a fire for Jesus and love for my life. A love and surrendering I didn’t even know was possible. My savior Jesus Christ, did that. He did it for me, and guess what? What he does for one, He WILL do for all.

This next season, I am so ready for. I did the breaking of chains, refining, and went through deep surrendering. This season, God’s promises come through. All that the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy are returned back to me, double. My cup will be so overflowing and I will pour into more and more. My womb will be filled with a blessing from God and I will have the strongest marriage which will be centered entirely on my savior Jesus Christ. Satan thought he had me, but Jesus said “You are mine!” No matter the season you’re in, understand being refined is a process. Not done overnight. Give yourself grace and patience and as I always say, make sure you’re watering your garden of faith, daily. God’s got this, I’m proof. So what are you waiting for?

It's time to go home, Prodigal.

Return to where God is calling you. Return what you left behind. Choose your Heavenly Father, choose your marriage, your children, and choose to stop running. The arms you fear will never embrace you again have been praying and hoping for your return every single day. Remember this: what you see is only the surface. Behind every scene, God is working.

I bear testimony that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ — my Redeemer — died for both my sins and yours. I testify of the power of His Word, and that when you immerse yourself in it, you clothe yourself with a shield against the enemy. I have a testimony of His restored Gospel, and I know with certainty that His way is, and always will be, the only path to true and eternal joy.

I testify that whatever the enemy has meant for evil, God will turn it for your good.

Whatever is keeping you from coming home — whatever voice tells you that you’re too far gone or too unworthy — is a lie straight from the pit of hell.

I want you home. We want you home. More importantly, Jesus is calling you home.

Make the choice today.

Stop running.

Your Heavenly Father, your earthly parents, your spouse, your children, your siblings, and your very purpose are calling you back.

Come home.

I believe in you... Hang in there, Prodigal. I know it's scary, I know it's hard, but what's waiting is worth It all you will have to face.

Just come home, don't wait. We're waiting, you're forgiven, and we love you.